I like to read my horoscope every day. I don’t know why I just do. I think there could be something in the way the planets align or double up or rise or whatever it is they do, to get an astrological for cast. I know full moons affect people. I’ve seen O.R.’s and E.R.’s in the hospitals go crazy with weirdo’s. I wondered if it might have the same effect on my puppy. I waited in great anticipation one Full moon evening to watch my pup intently for strange behavior. Wait, am I hearing myself correctly? Strange and unusual behavior from a three month old puppy?? Why that’s as standard as a warranty on a newly purchased appliance. Well, I was told by an EDO ( experienced dog owner) that dog’s can exhibit aberrant behaviors during certain celestial activity. i.e full moon, planet alignments, eclipse, or any solar event. This made me think I should consult a dog psychic or at least read my pups daily horoscope. I’ll opt for the horoscope, I can get that online; albeit the newspaper is in use right now. The first thing I needed to determine is what sign he was born under. We don’t know the exact date of arrival but it happened sometime toward the end of July. We took a vote and we made him a LEO, ( July23-Aug.22). I read his horoscope today and it emphasized the fact that ” there are a lot of treasures to be unearthed.” No sh*t. All over my property. Well that was fruitless, I went on to read mine and it said: “my hands are full today”. No doubt, picking up all his unearthed treasures. I think these psychic’s have it made in the shade. I’m going to start a Doggie psychic hotline. No wait, that explains my Established Vet a little to well. She predicts everything with regards to my dog, even before we see her. She even knows how much she is going to charge ahead of time and how much she will accumulate off me after her pre-season sale…
I waited for the full moon to appear and I waited for the abnormal behavior of my puppy. I anticipated the worst. I imagined all my family room furniture to have earmarks of doggie saliva. I envisioned an undescovered puppy poop piled high behind the ceramic umbrella stand in the corner of the foyer. I waited for the non stop jumping into the air as he reached higher and higher with each bounce. I could see him ninja-ing off to the forbidden territory of the office and dragging my husbands portfolio off to a spot where he emulates the shredder. I was waiting and I was prepared. I was waiting for that little LEO to roar. I was armed and ready to do battle. Doggie-style. As the night narrowed in and the harvest moon glowed overhead my pre-pubescent pup simply strolled placidly over to his comfy lion mat and sat and eyed his family with the same anticipation. He sat and watched as my husband ran around the house trying to locate his keys. He sat and watched as my daughter had a meltdown because I borrowed her boots. He sat and watched as my son ran up and down the stairs wearing his entire LaCross gear, claiming it helps him get in shape for wrestling. He sat and watched as I put two loads of laundry in, studied for my exams, vacuumed the floor, made dinner, loaded the dishwasher, helped with my son’s Chemistry, and located my husbands keys. My dog is not normal. I like that. My dog is equipped with a special sense and psychic ability to know when to make me act like a lunatic and try to unlock his behavior pattern on a full moon rising.
Oh Yeah….He knows. That’s why his mouth is in a perpetual grin. Oh yeah…Definitely need to donate to doggie psyche research..Yep ..gunna unlock those unearthed treasures.