Charlywalker's Blog

{November 6, 2009}   My Dog’s Blog

I am a first time dog owner and after a reluctant 20 years of a dog-less marriage, topped by another 18 years of habitual begging from my children, I relented to the “puppy Pressure”. I did not want a dog because I did not want the commitment of a dog. I felt two children were enough to occupy my time, deplete my money and food, encapsulate all my emotions, and it took too long with each to potty train them. Also I like to travel: rule of thumb: if It can’t be “carried on” with me, it doesn’t go on the trip. I know there are fru-fru minatures that happen aboard via handbags, but to me, that is not a real dog, that is a decoration. Also I am not in favor of kenneling,(although right now it is appealing because my “new puppy” is jumping, nipping, & growling at me as I type.) Anyway, Back to the issue, I did get a dog. We got him in a trailer park. Apparently a cocker spaniel and a very large chijuajua had a brief “interlude” and a litter was born. I did not tell my children what we were up to, I put them in the car and drove up to the trailer park and was met by two adults disguised in a plume of cigarette smoke. My teenagers rolled their eyes at me as we entered “slot 12”, and my husband had an asthma attack. There eyes widened as they saw all the pups jumping in a slightly torn, stained Graco playpen. The one and only balck & white combo stared at us while his siblings leapt for our jugulars. After two minutes it was unanimous. Not because he was giving us the puppy dog eyes, but because we were all holding our breath… the smoke was so thick in the trailer and the human brain can not go without oxygen for more than 2 minutes without significant issues. Although I question that where my 15 year old son is concerned..
So we actually PAID $50 for this highly (?) bred pedigree and headed home.
Gosh, he was as cute as a the bugs ears that he came infested with.. We, as new puppy owners, were equipped with zilch for his puppy needs. The novices that we are, we went out and bought the basics: That is: everything the Giant Pet Conglomerate cornering the market and forming a monopoly on small retail stores, told us to buy. Sure you SAVE more but you BUY more to make up for that savings…marketing 101. So our puppy slept in a large room with the washer & dryer. No, wait, our puppy stayed in a large room with the washer & dryer, whimpering all night. I sought advice from experienced dog owners who had the same problem with their newborns and one suggestion was to play the radio to assimilate people talking and this would comfort & quiet the pup. We are a family of Ipods & Ipod docks. I did locate in the basement an old am/fm cassette radio shaped like the front end of an Oldsmobile with the antenna broken at half mast. The party who initially gave us the radio advice said they used NPR for their dogs. I’m a republican not gunna happen. Unfortunately, the only FM retrievable was gospel. I figure if God can’t quiet the yelps of a new pup …No one can. Well it worked. After two nights trailer park pup sleeps through the night..Amen. and can I get a Halleluya with that? That was just the beginning…

{November 6, 2009}   Shaggy Blog Story

In the BIG-inning God created Heaven and Earth. And the earth was without form so God created Dogs.  Puppies would not sleep throughout the night so God created the night light. God let the night light shine day and night for a puppy to pee in the dark. Then God said Let there be Firmament in the midst of the waters and lo and behold  a solid stool formed. Then God laid the foundations of earth with the best arrangement of Bermuda grass. God said Be Fruitful and multiply, every hour on the hour. And God gave Dog dominion over the land and which created foul of the air. And there before the Dog like a shimmering neon shrine from the Heavens; ….God created the fire hydrant………….Eden.

Welcome to my world of Menopause, Mutts, and Mayhem with a Splash of Merlot……………..Oh Yeah, and Spread the Humor.

et cetera
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