Charlywalker's Blog

{December 25, 2009}   Blog eat Blog world

It’s Christmas morning and everyone is up early. I can never get my children up early for school, it is like going through Congress to get them riled. BUT, when Christmas arrives they always manage to arise promptly at six a.m. They make loud noises so I will wake up, because if I wake up, then the gift dispensing gets to start. BECAUSE, It’s all about the gifts you know. It’s all about what they got and how much and ” not socks again” and “please I’ll  be good for the rest of my life if you get me the snowboard I wanted”. I love Christmas. I love everything about the holiday , the lights, the fake tree, the irate last minute shoppers who steal your parking space, the neighbors who regift because they weren’t expecting something from  you, and if we are blessed enough….snow. Yes snow did remain long enough to join Christmas for the Holiday. It just doesn’t get better than this. Or does it? My Dog loves the snow now, he is proficient in peeing on white, ergo I can Never leave Martha Stewart’s king size summer sheets  lying around the house.  He loves the snow so much that it is hard to get him to return to the house. I caught him one afternoon making a snow angel ; I found out  later he had face planted in two feet of powder and was fighting for air.

Charly has had all his shots now and has Carte Blanche from the Established Vet to roam about the cabin, er , I mean the neighborhood. We walked for an hour up and down the snow lined street covered in dirty gravel from the snow plow. Charly enjoyed eating everything in sight that moved. He took a particular liking to snowballs. I caught him harboring one in his mouth savoring the flavor all the way back home. We walked outside hoping to possibly run into neighbors outside either shoveling their driveways or sledding down hills. We saw nothing but silence. A fine time to socialize. Everyone is indoors tied to their heaters. I moved to the country because I thought a slower pace of life was good for my kids. I thought moving to a rural farm area would entice neighbors to come forth and multiply with neighboring.  That seem to happen in the beginning and then as neighbors go, they all burn out on each other and retreat amongst themselves.  I don’t get it. We pretty much stay to ourselves and every now and then a “drive by” or a “drop in” will happen and a mild get together evolves. I never plan anything with my neighbors because my past experiences have prove to result in failures. I have had neighbors acknowledge an invite yet never show, I have had neighbors overlook NOT being invited and arrive, I have had neighbors drink to excess and create havoc, I have had neighbors who are more reliable than my own family, and I have had neighbors that pretend to be your friend then sue the daylights out of you because your tree dropped leaves onto their property. I should have sent Charly over, he loves leaves. I moved into a neighborhood based on convenience, locality, school district, and basically if I love the house. I do not move to a neighborhood looking for friendship or for someone to play with my kids. If you manage to get a great friendship from your “hood” that would considered to be a “bennie.” Personally, I can’t keep up with the drama and expectations that a “hood” provides. I like to live my life according to me. If I get  another invite to a Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, or God forbid, some Sex toy Vendor, I will move to Mars. Maybe I’ll start Dog Parties. Yeah, everyone brings their canine cutie and we drink and discuss dog woes. That would solve my socialization problem. Puppy Parties. With Pupper-wear.  Canine Candle -Lite .Fido Favors. Pampered Pooch!. oohhh you never looked so good!


{December 25, 2009}   Best in Blog

I’ve been advised to socialize my puppy as early as possible. What does this entail? Should I have my son take him to his high school mixer? Maybe my daughter will let him join her and her boyfriend for dinner and a show?  I suppose Charly could come with me to have lunch with the girls, I have an extra set of pearls. How, what, and who do I socialize a five month old puppy with? Other puppies of his age group? Do I mingle him with mutts of the opposite sex? One EDO takes her pups to a dog park. I guess these are pre-established areas for animals that are divided into size sections.  Once a really big dog got mixed into the teeny tiny dog area and all hell broke loose. Most of the scuffle was between the owners of these pets. Each was claiming” their right to enter wherever they please”, and that “there should not be discrimination in these parks with regards to size and romp area”. I think it ended with the fire department being summoned along with a cop car that had their own canine unit. I guess that dog has jurisprudence at all parks.

So much for socialization ,sounds kind of Marxist to me. Better off calling the Marx brothers. Maybe my puppy doesn’t want to socialize with anyone but us. Is that bad? Maybe the whole point is to have him bark at everyone he sees; doesn’t that make a great watch dog? If he is socialized and out greeting all kinds of people he may not be able to distinguish between the good, bad, and the ugly. Maybe Charly is a loner. Maybe it’s because he was separated from his siblings and parents at 7 weeks and he has a social disorder. Maybe he can’t make friends easily and he’s socially retarded. Maybe I should try to locate his family and set up therapy with Dr. Phil. We could broadcast via Skype. See how each pup made out post adoption. Charly probably has a really successful brother making films in Hollywood and socializing with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Getting petted by Suri’s little rich scientology tainted hands. I wonder if dogs join cults or gangs. How could you tell? They have a perennial glaze  over their eyes and they stare at you as if they are about to take you down. I don’t see any tattoo’s on his paws containing three dots or Tres Puntos indicating whether he’s been in the hospital, prison or the grave. I suppose he could spell out L-o-v-e   H-a-t-e on each knuckle if he had any. I bet they do tattooing at the giant Pet Mart. I could see their faces when I stroll in with my cock-cha-cha wearing his bitch beater T shirt and a nose ring requesting some INK. I don’t even think they would bat an eyelash. They would direct me to an aisle without looking up.

I’m finding it difficult to socialize my puppy out here in the middle of nowhere. Our house lies on a hill surrounded by one and a half acres of unfenced lawn. I have to take my dog out on a leash each time I walk him. I don’t think he likes it very much, he keeps trying to bite it and grab it and take me for a walk. I think he is just trying to stress his independence. Personally I think Charly is a loner and likes being that way. I think it is a way of his dealing with separation anxiety from his natural family. Maybe I should call the Maury Povich show and have a doggie reunion and let Charly connect with his mutt siblings. Myabe Maury will foot the bill for the DNA testing.  Maybe the results will indicate that he is not related to the other trailer park pups and was placed in that Graco playpen by default. Maybe Charly was a kidnapped dog and ended up in the bitch black market. Come to think of it I think I did see a likeness profile in the post office next to the ten other convicted felons. And I saw a similar pet show up on the side of a  Carnation milk carton. Hmmm wonder if there’s a reward.  I guess he would be classified as a miscellaneous class and up for a field trial without probation.  Walking the yellow line that he leaves behind every hour.

 Hope the Police aren’t on his tail.. He Loves the bacon …….makes him Po-Po. Walk-ease…

{December 16, 2009}   Blog on it!

I like writing this blog. I can’t seem to get away and get things done, like taking my son to the doctor. He needs to go he’s had a sore throat and now it’s a violent chest cough. I happen to have some left over antibiotic on hand when his wisdom teeth were extracted last August, but he took one and had horrible stomach pains. I kept him home from school today and one day last week. I listen to his chest and it’s clear so I think this is a bug that will run it’s course. OR maybe he has a history presentation due today that didn’t get finished because he spent the weekend socializing with other teens. I just took my puppy to the Established Vet this morning for his last shot. I suppose I could have had them check my son at the same time. What, anatomy is anatomy, just on a larger scale and a little more detailed. It’s all the same composition, blood, water, oxygen, lungs, bones, heart…MUCUS. Yea Charly has dog snot. I’ve seen it. I caught my son and him both pawing at their snouts while watching T.V.  I don’t like illnesses or people getting sick. I don’t have the patience for it. I believe a lot in Mind over Matter. When I was a child and got sick, (rarely) my mother threw a coat on us and  shoved us outside no matter what the weather was. She felt that”fresh air” was God’s cure. Personally I think she did that to keep our runny noses off her coffee table. Our snot would hang on the trees we climbed and became one with nature. I think she actually gave us  one tissue per child to tote in our parka pockets. Mine was wadded up and had holes and appeared dusty, probably from the year before or was recycled by my older brother. I found it easier to use my sleeve or a leaf. There are many lessons we teach our children I’d like to include Botany as one. One rainy day I was out taking my cold for a walk and my nose started to run wild. I picked a leaf from a nearby plant growing in our back ravine to wipe it. I have used many leaves in my youth but this one had a great tingling effect accompanied by an after burn. I felt the heat expand across both cheeks while I scratched the newly formed bumps that had arose.  After my mom calmed down she explained “nettles” to me. I have that leaf formation memorized, along with Poison Ivy.  Maybe I should just send my son and the dog outside with his cold. Charly is constantly picking up leaves and chewing them. Maybe that’s why he never has a runny snoz. Well, we’ll just leaf it at that.

{December 14, 2009}   Every Blog has its day

I recently read a blog about someone suffering from depression and actually contemplating thoughts of suicide. It was a story about an abusive relationship. I can’t imagine ever wanting to not be on this planet anymore, unless I’m offered a seat on the space shuttle. I’ve never experienced severe bouts of depression or thoughts of suicide. Well maybe once. For about two minutes. It happened after I had a total hysterectomy. It was performed by robotics, my surgeons were no where near the operating field. Everything was  done by robot arms that are controlled by the surgeon sitting ten feet away in a video arcade booth. Apparently this  virtual procedure should have taken about three hours maximum, but mine took five hours. My surgeons ran into some minor complications and ripped a hole in my bladder and had to call a specialist in to repair it. I guess it got pretty crowded in that video booth. So there I was legs up in stirrups and upside down strapped with adhesive tape to an operating room table. I woke up with two stents up to my kidneys and a foley catheter hanging out of my wee-wee hole. I smelled of anesthesia gasses and my blood flowed with pain meds. They sent me home after two days.  About a week Post-Op I think my hormones crashed because I had this uncontrollable thought of not wanting to live like this. I phoned my Physician and explained my feelings and she told me it was just my hormones talking, or lack of them. I guess  I needed a Hormone whisperer. I am not a candidate for hormone replacement because of a past history of a stroke so I have to go through this “adjustment period” au natural. I guess I could try the progesterone but I might grow a mustache and Charly wouldn’t recognize me. I tried martini’s as a hormone therapy. They prove to be tastier, but I ran out of olives.  I wonder if dog’s feel thoughts of suicide. I wonder what would provoke those thoughts. Maybe they’re tired of the same ole puppy  diet. Maybe their chew toys have lost their squeak. Maybe chasing their tail is redundant. Maybe I better move his leash out of his reach.

I know the Established Vet told us we need to get our puppy neutered. She told us they usually have this done at the ripe old age of six months. Yikes. He has barely had time to produce anything worthwhile intrinsically and they want to nip that in the testicular bud.  I have done some research into this and asked many EDO’s their opnion and they all concur that it is a necessity.  So, my dog and I will both be lacking essential parts to reproduce. I wonder if they will give him hormone replacement therapy or will he have to endure the testosterone crash cold turkey.  How will I be able to tell if he’s harboring a mustache. I hope I will be able to identify his mood swings.  I wonder how they do these procedures on dog’s. Are his little paws put into stirrups. Will he be strapped down to the Vet table with velcro adhered to his belly? Do they have a mini monitor for his vital signs? Will he awake with a stray catheter? Oh Halleluja, now there’s a cure for the early morning walks! Is there a Vet surgeon specialist who does this operation or is it addressed much like a Jewish circumcision and the local Moyle comes in from the synagogue carrying a Swan Pate. OR, God forbid, they have Astros Robotics on hand featuring Robo-cop and first assist R2D2.  rrrrouch.

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto…….Domo?

{December 11, 2009}   Three Blog Night

Is it possible for a mutt to have dual personalities? Do dogs have personalities or is there a standard pattern of behavior that is genetic in all breeds. If my pup is a mixture does he carry the behavior traits from the complete line of ancestors? My God , what could that entail, he came from a trailer park. We are giving him a lovely spacious home with lots of land. He has the best of chew toys and the loving  full time company of four family members. Well three, the college coed we’ll consider to be part time. I have noticed changes in my pet’s pupperisms, especially if there is a drastic about-snout in his routine. Case in point; I went away for three days to attend a Notre Dame football game with my 83 year old mother and when I returned my hound was nipping at anything that extended from my body. He was growling, lunging, glaring,barking, and chewing at me. Needless to say I had already had three days of that sharing a room with my mother in the Hotel. It was as if this puppy had never seen me before and I was a stranger in my own home. It took him approximately 15 minutes to assimilate in his doggie pea brain, lodged in his Bobblehead, who exactly I was to him. I think I’ll hang a life size portrait of myself over his bed in the laundry room.Or a papier mache’ bust out of puppy pads.  I am thinking of going to Build-a-Bear and construct a toy dog with voice activation. My voice. Every time he attacks the little stuffed thing my voice will erupt with every bite. That’ll freak him out.

Anyway, I thought maybe Charly was having a case of split personalities. One minute he’s as calm and playing kissy face with everyone, and the next minute he’s turned into the Incredible Hulk. Only he remains in black and white. The Established Vet instructed us to “use distraction during those moments”. Does she realize those moments are a nano second and repetitive?Oh we use distraction, retraction, infraction, incarceration…    I asked an EDO what she thought of this erratic behavior. She laughed for fifteen minutes. Not at the puppy and his behavior, but at me spending mega bucks at the Established Vet to get answers. She told me the “answers were in the future”. Great. I tried reading his horoscope and that was fruitless, I suppose now I have to consult a crystal ball.  Oh she would love that, she would love the fact that I went to get Madam Garbonzo to gaze into the future for me and tap into my dog’s psychie for behavior issues. The Future. What does she mean by that. Answers are in the future. Give me a break. O.K. I give Swammie, what does the future hold?

“He’ll quiet down after two years, he won’t be a puppy anymore he’ll be a grown dog”, she divulged with brevity in her voice.

I’m surprised she didn’t make me wait this out and go get the answer from the Established Vet at $150 an hour………

Well it’s Easy To Be Hard when your dealing with Black or White, Out in the Country……Joy to the World.

{December 11, 2009}   Wag the Blog

I am writing in the color of my puppy’s new winter sweater. (But I changed my Blog decor and it doesn’t read well.) It is very collegiate looking, it just needs an monogram or a belt. When he totes a Dental chew in his teeth he looks a little like Heff in his smoking pajamas. Charly actually likes the way he looks in his new Kimono. He doesn’t fight it anymore, he let’s you drape it over his head and press his resisting paws through the side holes like a paper doll. He stands there proudly like Simba on Pride Rock overlooking his domain eyeing the Girls next door as they enter  the Grotto in their bootie pants. This sweater works for him. It’s winter and he is freezing his hind legs off. My husband made this quasi sweater for him out of a knit cap from  a hardware store going out of business. I wouldn’t have to capitalize on that if my teen son would forfeit one of his Hoodies. At first I thought the neighbors might talk. You know, maybe we didn’t clear it with the board of the HOA.  When I visited the giant Pet Smartie store I noticed an aisle filled with racks of pet clothing for pups. I actually detected a replica of my husbands handy work only with finished edges, selling for $25. This has given me an idea. I may go into doggie designs. I’m sure there is a need for it. Well there is with Paris Hilton.  Anyway, I guess the whole purpose of the jacket for my pup is to keep him warm and to not catch cold.  Do dog’s catch colds? I just got a news flash from my husband who had all the time in the world to concern himself with such matters. Apparently there is a doggie influenza going around.  It is fatal. Hound influenza. Puppy pandemic. We will have to take him to the Established Vet to get her take on this. I’m sure her take will be plenty. I believe my pup will need a vaccination. PLUS we are not to have him in any contact with other mongrels. No prob. I have been quarantined with this pup for four months now unable to walk him in the “hood”. Holed up in the house with his jurisdiction spreading only to our yard. If he gets the flu I will simply handle it the only way I know how: Chicken soup. Probably have to be prescribed by the Established Vet. I thought all these shots we were getting him were preventing all this. Don’t tell me our pup is now a candidate for the N1H1 (Naughty Hound) floating through the universe. Do I have to get a mask from the operating room and apply it to his snout while he strolls the neighborhood? Maybe he’ll take Bubble Boys place.   In a Bow-wow ballon. I have never heard of so many illness in a pet. In retrospect of my dog owning adolescent years our pups never had diseases. They died of natural accidents. I recall one incident of a mishap with a garbage truck and our dog. Or should I say our MOM’S dog. ( Her name was Taffy) Our dog met her maker under the back wheel of Fridays Pick-up. I recall her yelling over the roar, something about “Taffy under the wheel” .  My brother yelled back ” It’s not mine, Besides I have Double – bubble “. My mom lined us all up according to height and broke the news to us. We were all in our teen years at the time and unaware of the incident or that we even had a dog. My brother the comedian, asked my mom if the dog would be  considered for pick up next Thursday. Laffy Taffy.

I love my pup and if he gets puppy pneumonia I will pay extra for the oxygen tent in the Vet E.R. I will provide extra vitamin C or garlic whichever wards off evil germs to my puppy. I will contact William Peter Blatty and perform an exorcism if necessary to keep him healthy. I will cover him form head to toe like Bazooka Joe to ensure his safety. I will chose Option One  on the blue admitting form  in the Vet ER. What..……….I chose that the last time………

{December 10, 2009}   Mean as a Junk-Yard Blog

Today I went to the Giant Conglomerate Corner the Market Pet Store to return a Doggie item. Two days prior I entered the store in search of a Pet Gate to ward off  my puppy displaying the evil eye to Christmas Trees methodically placed throughout the house. I walked into this  huge warehouse filled with dog merchandise in hope of getting assistance with a purchase. Three times I approached a logo appareled employee and three times I was shunned and told:  “someone will be ri-i-ight with you in aisle 300″.

I waited ten minutes until a woman wearing a famous brand of puppy chow T-shirt  saw me stranded and asked if I needed help. I explained my need and she seemed enthralled with my being a new puppy owner. She completely bypassed the fact that I needed a gate and started her pitch about; “what kind of food am I feeding my newbie?”.  Then she preceded to load me up with coupons from her company and stated that she didn’t work for the store, BUT, she did know where the gates were located and handed me a map.

I asked another Pet Smartie personnel for assistance and was again told to: “wait, and someone will be ri-i-i-ght with me”.

At that point I gave up. I tried to find my way back to the entrance of the store and got lost, thank God for the trail of doggie treat coupons  I dropped along the way that were blowing out the door….

On my return trip I was greeted again by the Science Chow Lady balancing a tray of cookies. I was starving after being shuffled around the store and grabbed the big one with the white frosting and sprinkles shaped in a Paw print.   She could see that I had a long face due to many people dogging my needs ,plus taking notes as I was gagging on the cookie that was specially made for Dogs. ( they looked so realistic…)

I must have looked lame and overwhelmed. I do not do well in giant stores. They are too big and cold. Not just the attitude but the temperature as well. I feel so alone and on my own. I feel as though I will have to make the decisions by myself on what items to get my puppy. I do not have  enough experience to do that. I am codependent when it comes to my puppy. I need guidance and expertise and be lead by the nose for my purchases. I need constant attentive care from an expert because I am clueless in Doggie conscientiousness. I like someone to get to know me and my pet on a first paw basis. I don’t like standing out (?) in the cold  warehouse knee deep in doggie-stuff.

This Science Smart Lady had expertise. She asked if I found the right gate.  (she must have recognized me from the cookie crumbs on my blouse). I told her “no”.   I had given up on the scandalous gate expedition and ventured out to the doggie-treat aisle hidden behind a life size cut-out of the Dog Whisperer holding his latest Edition.

I did ask her about doggie chews. I desperately needed a tougher chew for my  pups budding canines that seem to be navigating away from squishy toys and headed  directly for coffee table legs.  She kindly walked me over to the Raw Hide section that held 100 different varieties of chews.  The titles on the packages brought back memories of childhood TV shows. One packet of Rollem’ might Get along with my  little doggie…..

The chow woman pointed out a package of rawhide rings. Bacon flavored. She told me that these are the best chews for dogs and that other raw hides are not good for pups because pieces break off and they choke.  I asked about the Heimlich disclosure on the back  of the package.   She just smiled and stared at me like a broken stop light. One gentleman overheard our conversation and verified her statement. He said “His new puppy just ado-o-ores these rings”.

Oh, well, then , how could I possibly go wrong.  It had the Pet Smart Public seal of approval.  I asked the Chow Specialist what these rawhide rings are made of?  She grinned: “Bull Testicles”.

Bull testicles.    My 7th month old puppy is going to snack on bull testes. Well, here’s waving a red flag in my face. Right. Ole! El Torro!  Areeeba!   Let’s feed our little darlings a catastrophic castration to sink their teeth into. Let’s recycle those balls of glory to do some good  in this recession.  I wonder if the Bull gets a cut in this New Deal.  BULLY!

Just put it on my CHARGE..

spread the humor.

{December 9, 2009}   In The Bloghouse

It’s snowing outside and on my blog. I love the snow but my pooch is unsure since this is his first encounter. Charly is fully potty trained with the exception of a few “leaks” with greeters. He’s  four and a half months now and is  fully cognizant of his surroundings. Boy is he cognizant. He has an incredible Cog in his Zant. A Dog Cog. He notifies us in many ways when it time to relieve himself. Mostly it is jumping on top of us and licking your face off leaving a hidden message in his saliva. Now it is December and the snow has landed on our farm town. Charly was use to the rain and had his peeing down to a science to avoid getting soaked. He could run between rain drops after he left his morning doo. But having to get up at six a.m. from his comfy warm doggie haven and dash out to 30 degree temps was a different story. Snow became his first  urine inhibitor. I heard from EDO’s ( experienced dog owners, if your reading my blog you should know this term by now), that; “if you crate your pup from the onset your doggie learns to hold his potty.” Hmmm should have done that with my kids. I could see me toting a doggie crate with my three year old son inside as we stand in line to renew my drivers license. Oh, no, it’s not abuse, I’m crating him to hold his potty. I think that would move me to the front of the line at the DMV. Or to cell block eight. I don’t have the heart to crate my pup. I can’t stand to see any pup behind bars. Besides he has rights. The right to bear paws, freedom of  snarl, and the right to a speedy secretion. Which didn’t happen in the snow….

Charly strolled out to the front stoop and stalled like an car with a bad battery.  He surveyed his surroundings as if he were scanning the instrument panel of a 747. I had to prod him to the white blanket covering the lawn. He put his paw on the first drift and retracted as if he his pad got scalded on a hot stove.  After a few kind and reassuring words of: “c’mon Charly, it’s o.k. it’s only 6 a.m. and 29 degrees and mommies tired of all the commuters passing by and pointing at her Sponge  Bob P.J.’s”. Charly finally started trekking across the snow in search of his mark.  As he penetrated the snow with each paw he stopped to evaluate the content of this frozen white stuff. His nose became a mini snow plow leaving a trench to aid in better drainage. Our property has a slope that invites every downhill sledder from the neighborhood. Periodically Charly would roll himself a snowball and flick it into the air and jump up to bite it. I didn’t mind that he was enjoying his first winter wonderland, but it was cold and Patrick and Squidward were forming icicles. I really thought my puppy would be too cold to stay out very long, like when he is in the rain. I guess he doesn’t like to be wet, but hypothermia he can withstand. Go figure.  After fifteen minutes of combing the acreage Charly had touchdown! He did a perfect spiral on the ice! A lovely double axel. A product of his morning breakfast! A Tripple Sal-chow. He did not return to do his normal sniff routine after each defecation. This time he stood there with pride admiring his new ice sculpture. Then he did a 360 and shot back to the front door with me in tow.

Never wear Keds in the winter snow. There is absolutely no traction. The entire SpongeBob Square Pants Crew went down in flakes…..

{December 2, 2009}   Hair of the Blog

We  just finished our “next-to-the-last-set-of-shots” visit with our established vet. We are all on a first name basis now, being that they have my American Express on file.  My husband accompanies me to these appointments because I can not drive alone with the dog. I tried one afternoon when the roads were clear of commuters and all that was left to contend with were slow moving farm equipment. I did have the foresight to make sure my dog went potty before we took our mini road trip. One very close EDO (experienced dog owner) counseled me on ” pup safety and the road”. “Always make sure they are strapped down with a leash and harness, if need be purchase a car seat for them”. right. Should I include the one with the playskool steering wheel and horn? Will the dash include a Starbuck’s double tall latte holder and Blue tooth.? Should I set up the DVD player  for distraction? Ergo when I crash from the hysterics of all this nonsense he’ll be in the middle of All Dog’s go to Heaven.

No. I put him in the passenger seat and said “stay” and we road happily ever after tot he post office.  Oh wait that was in the cartoon movie. I put him in the passenger seat and he jumped back and forth onto my lap barking and clawing at the doors. He was screaming at anyone he saw walking along the road; they probably thought I was a dog napper from the way he carried on pawing at the windows. I think at one time his snout pressed the emergency flashers. His leash was tangled around the transmission at every bound. He pounced onto my lap with his tail in my face and front paws on the steering wheel. yeah like he knew where he was going. Just like a man taking control. Probably afraid to ask for directions. “It’s O.K. Boy, mommie has Garmin”.  We made it to the post office to mail some letters, I thought that would be an innocent enough outing for our first time. Wait, what am I saying? I’m taking a dog to the post office? Where the postman never rings at all at our house due to his incessant barking. God please have drive through. Thank you. We made the trip in one piece, I drove 75 in a 25 mph country road. I had to brake once for a deer and that made Charly catapult from the back seat. Thank God he was tethered. He landed butt first on the dashboard facing me with his head bobbing up and down form the impact. Bobblehead. This  is why I have my husband come with us to the Vet. I am afraid to take him on major roads miles away. With real traffic. And traffic lights. I could send him by cab with a note pinned to his collar. I would use the transit system here but he’s too short to pull the stop wire. Plus I don’t think the bus driver will pullover to walk him if he has to poop.

Yeah I’m sure that unscheduled stop will go over well with the rest of the passengers.

{December 2, 2009}   It’s a Blog-eat-Blog world

Right now its quiet in my house. It’s late and all are asleep. I  like the quiet it is so peaceful to me and the stillness is invigorating.  Sometimes I just sit or lie in the stillness and soak it up like a sponge. My puppy is learning to be still. He manages to find his comfy spot and chill for a while. At first I thought he was ill, but later I realized he was just Jellin’. This is all part of being a dog I guess. I would like that luxury. I would like to chill every hour on the hour and just sit back and take in my surroundings. maybe mosey over for a snack and take a time out to wrestle with a squeaky toy. I just realized that my puppy reacts off of me and my surroundings. If I am sitting at my PC engrossed in a project, my pup minds his own business and goes with the flow. If there is a lot of activity or chaos  in our house the pup feeds into that energy and bounces off every nook and cranny. One evening my puppy and I were quite copacetic with nature and lounging in the silence of an empty house. I loved the fact that no one was home but us and we were both on the same wave length. We had play time, feeding time , and quiet time. We seem to be in a rhythmic pattern and dancing the two step as I took the lead. This was heaven and this is what owning a dog is all about. That unconditional love and respect and obedience that your children take for granted.  I have worked hard to instill rules in my home and I am not a happy camper when they are broken or bent. I figure dogs, like toddlers, need direction, rules, and routines  to follow in order to maintain a status quo.  I had an EDO ( experienced dog owner) tell me to never feed your dog regular food from the dinner table. If you make that the conventional your dog will never eat their dry dog nuggets again. I was advised  to not even  add any additives or cru-de te to my pups cuisine or  they will never venture to their dog chow again. I made it a family rule to NOT feed the dog at the table. Never give scraps of food from their plate or any plate within a three mile radius. I came home from school one evening and my husband was preparing a wonderful turkey for Thanksgiving. I noticed that my dog would not leave my husbands side. He sat at the base of the stove in anticipation that he may be hit by a piece of  shrapnel from the tender thigh being transferred to the roasting pan. Or maybe receive a splash of Ode-de-gravy when the plunger defaults during basting.  I watched my dog watching my husband. I watched my husband sneak a piece of breast to my pup. I watched my pup inhale it .  I called my husband out for this maneuver and he completely denied any wrong doing. I watched him maneuver the evidence in a man to man defense. I explained that this is a detriment to the dog and his eating habits. I explained that feeding him human food will deter him from his chow-du-jour and he will not eat his dehydrated dog food ever again. I do not have the time to prepare my pooch a four course meal featuring steak Diane. He will get the kibble’s and bits outta the bag like all the rest of his kind. My husband ignored me and continued with the Thanksgiving menu. I turned and walked away and looked back over my shoulder to watch my husband offer the pooch a full blown turkey drumstick to taste.  I went balisitc. I screamed : “what part of don’t feed the dog human niblits don’t you get”? My husband felt there was no harm in doing this,he has no idea of the reprocussions that are in play here. When it came time to give the dog his dinner my husband the gourmet, decided to add a little of the turkey gravy to the dog’s dry food. You see my husband is a gourmet cook. he can make  a fried egg taste like it walked off the the ala carte menu at Tavern on the Green. I, on the other hand can’t cook and everyone in this household is aware of my culinary attempts. As I waltzed passed the puppy’s room I noticed that Charly had scattered his puppy chow into categories. He had taken out all the chunks that did not contain the savory gravy topping and lined them outside his dish, leaving the coated morsals  displayed in his bowl like a pu-pu-platter at P.F. Chang’s.

What does one do when the rules of engagement have been severed in your own home. When you try to set a precedent and no one follows it but you. What message does this send to the dog? You can have your steak and eat it too? Well he’s barking up the wrong Chef. This will never do. I will have to remedy this problem and remove the virus before it spreads. I will simply nip this in the biscuit. Too many cooks in the doggie kitchen.

Here Charly, go fetch. Go fetch the classifieds for daddy……

et cetera
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