Charlywalker's Blog

{June 6, 2010}   Call off the Blogs

Whose correct here. Who is the master behind all the dog trivia and guidelines. Who?

I sought the advice of professionals and had my dog neutered. I listened to the  hounding of many EDO’s and Vet’s and Vet Technicians and friends and families, and dog owning neighbors with the regards to getting your  pet fixed.

I did extensive Google-ing  on this subject until my search engines could no longer Bada-BING, and with all this information circling my brain I came up with one testimony that was consistent with everyone:

” This will calm your dog down and make him less aggressive”.

BULL-testicles!. My dog was calming down just nicely two weeks prior to his operation which nearly made me cancel the appointment. In fact, I think Charly-dog had an inkling of what his future held and he was more obedient than a beaten red-headed orphan. But now, now we are two weeks post-op and you would think he was constantly being stunned by a cattle prod.

Everything I trained him in for the last ten months has completely left his Bobble-pea brain and he has regressed back to the day I lifted him out of that stained Graco playpen fighting for his life with three other siblings in a smoke filled trailer. He is snapping and growling and biting his leash, he is running in circles around the house jumping on furniture he never knew existed before.

Charly has started a new habit of digging and pawing, and hiding disgusting overpriced dental chews under the draperies. This is not the pup I left muzzled and unconscious on a chilly  stainless steel counter  just weeks ago in the hands of a certified Vet.

I wonder if he got switched at the In-humane society with another look alike Chaniel? It could happen, there were other black and white pups with black fabric gluing their snoots quiet. Thank God I used a florescent magic marker  on his belly to draw a neon arrow pointing to the correct  operable region.

These things can happen,  I have heard of stories of babies switched at birth, and operating room surgeons removing the wrong limb, maybe my puppy didn’t get neutered and still hides his cojones in his back pocket.

Maybe this organization just collected my $75 and had me watch him go under the gas and then retreated to  a dunkin do-nuts break while my dog lays in a Curariform coma.

Maybe I didn’t notice  a difference in his balls because they could have shrunk from resting on the cold steel table. All I can say is that Charly is still showing signs of aggression and I expected him to cut that out when they cut his dogly-hood.

I am a type A personality who expects things to happen immediately and not over any length of time. Why, when they cut my female apparatus out and did not furnish me with replacement therapy, I didn’t start biting at the leash when I went out for walks, or growling and barking at people and chasing after White Escolades, or sitting endlessly in a corner licking my wounds. NO, I handled it with all the grace and dignity that I could muster and merely reached for a bottle of Grey Goose…..

That’s the answer! I am going to get my dog wasted on Stoli’s until his hormone levels drop to a desired norm and room temperature. I wonder if he wants it straight or on the rocks. Or maybe blended with his Frosty-Pup.

There is one thing that needs to be addressed and that is his Chaniel barking. I thought that de-testicle-ing him would curb that barking enthusiasm, but it has not. No it has not. NOT ONE BIT. Maybe Charly and I need to take a time out from our hormone crash and sit out back with a pitcher of Martini’s and just gaze up at the Heaven’s and stir up the Cosmos until one of us has a Splashdown……….

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