Oh boy, here I go again. I think Blog surfing might be hazardous to one’s health. I am getting sea sick from delusional posts. If I read one more article about frustrated writers, cleaning strategies, giving up dating, or about a twenty-something year old who can’t cope with life, I may barf on my Macbook like a Pro.
I think Blogger’s are in need of resurrecting Dear Abby. Well here I am, hit me with your best shot. Bestow upon me your situation and I will fulfill your most thought out issue with a retort that deems appropriate…yet not ready for Prime time. I love this public diary..it complete’s me. Maybe I need to take life a little more serious , instead of meeting it head on with rolling eyes…
I have been accused of possessing too much humor in my body and not enough compassion. I think I have compassionate humor. I tend to see funny in almost everything. I once worked for a giant conglomerate corporation in NYC in a management role and was required to attend important staff meetings. Meetings that were being taught by amateurs fresh out of college who held the world on a string and played with it like a Yo-Yo. There was nothing more important to them than being the best around the word and kissing the highest ass they could reach.
I tried with all my might to conjure up my corporate capabilities and sit attentively at these meetings looking executive-ly interested in what was being said. The problem in-le, is that my mind wanders during a long lecture on “percent of sell-through”, and I start to look around the room for props. One time I managed to make bunny ears appear on the assistant manager as he spoke in front of the projector screen. My favorite was capturing the pie chart in the alligators jaws as the shadow of my hands swam by….This use to get a giant gaffaw out of my co- worker.
But, I think the worst of it came when the uncontrollable laughter set in during a colleague’s presentation with her product. Every time this woman started a sentence she inhaled deeply and sucked in the entire room air. Her mouth opened so wide you could see her palate vibrating as she sang her proposal. Each time she opened her mouth wider and wider I got a birds eye view into that big cavern with the Uvula swinging like the bells of Notre Dame. I sat there in the second row witnessing her soliloquy about profit and loss and being sprayed with verbiage vibrating from her vocal chords. When she gasped her conclusion I felt like Jonah getting sucked into that whale of a mouth as she spouted her ending. I leaned forward at every breath and held onto my seat for fear that this mad “Hoover” speaker would inhale my head and aspirate my hair extensions like a fur ball.
Then it hit me. A giant wave of uncontrollable laughter bellowing out of my pearly whites. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I found myself gasping for air, if there was any left. My cohort sitting adjacent to me swatted my leg with her folder and told me to “stop” and asked me what was it that had me peeing my pants in silent laughter. I quietly explained my observations in between hysteria, and she, too, caught on like wildfire ,and we both grabbed our bellies tight with laughter. Hey, I am not going down in this ship alone.
I know there are times to laugh and times to have composure, but my brain has always had a problem deciphering between the two. And Yes, I was called into the bosses office to explain my outlandish crack-up and inappropriate behavior during a pressing event. I couldn’t find the exact words to describe what it was that I watched as this woman spoke and how my imagination took over my Left brain function which set off my merriment – meter and caused the up-roar in my mind.
I didn’t know how the boss would react to explanations of the hilarity of seeing this woman’s Uvula bounce between her tonsils at the start of every sentence every time she took in a breath of corporate air. How could I tell my boss that my focus factor went astray during company time? How could I tell him that I was finding humor at an inopportune time at the expense of an employees fluttering motor mouth? How do I describe what set my giggle-gene off upsetting an entire team meeting? There is no way out of a perilous self made predicament placed upon oneself except with telling the boss something he might understand:
…….Well ,Sir…..I was drunk?….(with laughter).
I later found out that my boss, too, had a sense of humor……he assigned me to work on another project with Uvula Lady…