I would like to address the seriousness and importance of one of our constitutional rights: The right to Bare Arms. I know that this is an important stance in our Bill of Rights, but I am beginning to re-think this right as more of an earned privilege. Has anyone witnessed over the many years the grouping of esoteric arms that are on display? Personally I think some of these upper extremities need to be hidden and retract into their over priced Hollister button downs. My concern is for the public at hand. I recall strap hanging on the N train during the dogs days of summer and commuting from the City to Brooklyn during rush hour. I was accosted by more arms than Goetz carried on a lonely afternoon. It didn’t matter which way I faced in that car,I still had a bare arm hitting me in the face, the shoulder, the back, and the top of my head. These arms were tattooed, flabby, bony, massive, hairy, and smelly and were attached to people of all races and creeds. Some of these arms had the barrel of their pit shoved right between your eyes and you couldn’t see the forest through the trees. It was simply hair raising.
I’ve seen Arms loaded with sweat and ready for action as they pump the Irony throughout the Gym. I watched arms dangling from pick-up trucks as their joints loosen from the bumps in the road. I’ve seen triceps wiggle to the tune of Katey Perry as they fist pump into thin air creating a drive-by of near misses with the slippage of tank tops. I have seen Arms that are larger than life that could be put to great use but choose to remain stagnant and lie dormant from lack of use. I have seen some of these Bare Arms remain at an arms length when it came time to raise their arm for a cause. I cringe at the sight of a Bare Arm flapping like a seal at Sea World while it dives into its third round of French fries. And I don’t much care for that Bare Arm that has been discarding their empty Frito bags onto the sides of the road. I simply can’t handle the Bare Arm that reaches underneath the sneeze screen and stretches to reach the lettuce on the opposite side of the salad bar and their exposed armpit has a brush with the radishes. I really have a problem with the odoriferous Bare Arm at any level. I think those should be BANned.
Do I like the right to Bare Arms? Yes, if they are not used in an offensive way and cause undo underarm harm. I’d hate to see Bare Arms attached to the wrong hands. To Bare Arms is the Secret Old Spice of life that holds us to a higher Degree and helps us to stay clear of the Red Zone.
And, besides, I like to Bare Arms, even if the result is a Farmer’s tan.