Charlywalker's Blog

{April 11, 2011}   Get a Bolg in Edgewise

What is the point of going to a gym to work out where the surround sound is blasting it’s predetermined tune, and the T.V.’s are all set to CNN with subtitles, and you are vehemently perspiring on your Mega machine absorbing all the white noise, and  before you can step up to a reasonable speed, a giant woman saddles her Nikes on the pedals of the adjoining ride and blasts her own personal I Phone to  blare Jay Z and Beyonce for all to hear…

Apparently she had not  yet heard of the great discovery of EAR phones. Although, by the SIZE of things, there could be a little TOO much Skull Candy on the menu.  This woman’s not -so-smart-phone was wailing everything form Lil Wayne to Waylon Jennings over the all- encompassed distorted made- in- China-speakers that BlackBerry can cultivate.  This is not a piece of technology that entertains Bose woofers that tweet with a mild base;   this was a phone that projected music through it’s 1 Gee- got -no -reception- network -of mangled wires that were held together by electrician’s tape. This woman proceeded to ferry herself onto her exercise equipment in all her glory smacking Juicy Fruit and jiggling her Juicy Couture.   Her obtrusiveness was making it hard for the other “attendees” to enjoy their workout time without listening to her vibrant near nineties tunes screech at the top of her mega bytes.  The mere fact that she was oblivious to people around her and ignoring any consideration of their right to pump iron , all the while being held captive to her outmoded music.  This woman was persistent and kept increasing the volume of her phone.  I tried to ignore this intrusion  that was causing irreparable damage to my ossicles and just focus on the t.v.’s subtitles that appeared to be typed by  Marlee Matlin, but this woman’s Not-so -smart- phone was irritating the entire gym nation.  I just wanted to confiscate her Blackberry and throw it into the fruit compost pile; but instead I handled the situation in a more diplomatic fashion…….I raised the volume up on the TV until we had reached dueling broadcasts.  Wolfe Blitzer was barely audible in his tree next to Spandau Ballet.  I didn’t want to turn this exercise room into a situation.

I can her Wolfie now on this decibel dilemma as he straightens his Windsor knot and stares blankly at his teleprompter: “What. is. the .most. important .impediment .that .you. are .facing .right. now. with .this. happening. in. your. country?”

Well Mr. all started when the Sony Walkman was entered into the Smithsonian and Ma Bell monopolized the phones and got  extremely wired-less and crossbred with various Fruited microcircuitry and gave birth to a lot of Smart systems to sell to our lovely Circuit City of people with too many Chips in their shoulder bag already….

I tried to be patient with this I- haven’t-been-to-the-gym-in-years- woman, and I understand she pays to be there just as much as everyone else does, but does that entitle her to blow-out Smashing Pumpkins for all to endure through her Itchy and Scratchy speaker system?  The best part in all this was watching her tread on her stair-master and answer her cell in between bursting her greatest hits.  I watched as she attempted to punch the mute button with what was left of her Press On nails to answer an incoming call.

I couldn’t believe the fortunate luck I was having……now I get to bear witness to a lengthy conversation about weeds killing her prized Apple tree. Now I get to listen to her fruity phone call… Well the McIntosh doesn’t fall far from the Blackberry..

I don’t understand why people feel the necessity to talk unnecessary nonsense while trying to better their bodies. The only pertinent conversation she might want to consider is with 9-1-1……….when I finish my workout with her………I’ll ruffle that couture covering into juicy-juice until that Smashbox runs down that earphone-less face, causing the thermal  resisters to experience an antenna switch outage, making her capacitors incapacitated and processed into a fruit compote……..

Oh , my, was I blogging out loud? I beg your pardon it must be the menopause talkingthat progesterone certainly packs a punch. Why I would never ever consider any undo harm to someone’s Cell Phone…...

Spread the humor.


Hahahah, ouch. I’ve never heard anyone on there phones at the gym [ yet] or had the music for everyone to hear [ yet]. But lets be seriously, how lacking must someone’s exercise be to be able to talk on the phone, sorry but my resistance is at 8 or 5… [ partly because I compete with the people working out next to me, yes when my calorie count beats theres, it’s been a successful workout]
Oh and a juicy tracksuit? Why? That’s for people for want to look like they do..something.. but don’t actually do anything! What a nonsensical woman to be working out in her dressup clothing.
Haha, hey your post got me worked up, good job :]

Bernie says:

Oh, people who use cell phones at the wrong times make me want to choke them to the ground!
Don’t be loud on your cell phone at the gym. The 45 min-1hour while you pretend to work out the world won’t end.
Don’t come pick up something at my small business while talking on your cell phone. I will just stare at you and walk away back into my office and resume playing Zuma. You will have to yell for me to come back out and help you.

My other pet peeve is people who feel the need to YELL while on the cell phone. WTH? My husband is famous for this. He is NOT capable of having a normal conversation. He feels as if he must YELL the entire time. I have tried to get him to stop. I tried putting my hand on his arm. Nothing. I tried glaring at him, sadly he is now immune to such tactics. I yell at him that he doesn’t have to yell on the phone. He just glares at moi, as if I was in the wrong. *eye roll* So I usually just walk far away from him and pretend we are not together.

Wow, that’s a lot of static…..LOL

The rudeness of some people! I’m impressed she could even talk on the phone. I would have been ready to pass out.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

And THAT is why I never go to the gym… 😉

Excellent blog, by the way.

Thank you for dropping in and taking a sneak peak!

spread the humor.

Let’s hope her gym visit was a Lenten induced luxury. Or, before you had to send the boys to cancel her membership, you found she was an escapee from a one-time-only luxury liner.

LOL….I love that you GET this blog…

Thanks for the visit…y’all come back real soon..ya hear?

spread the humor.

This may be weird coming from a guy who plays drums, but noise irritates me. I can’t stand going to sporting events anymore because of the blasted thumping, ear-bleeding noise they bombard me with.

Do I dare mention those Vuvuzela’s?? They must put you in a coma.


This is a family blog! I can’t take all the talk of female body parts.

This is rated “M”: Menopause, Mayhem, Mutts, Merlot, Madness, Mumbo-Jumbo…..

Thank you for the visit..always a pleasure OA.

I thought it was rated C for cabernet sauvignon.

My mistake.

Oohhh now your on my “C” level…

It comes from the over-confidence one gets by repeated Stuart Smalley video’s. “I deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with.”

Such thinking leads some people to believe they can play “everything form Lil Wayne to Waylon Jennings over the all- encompassed distorted made- in- China-speakers that BlackBerry can cultivate.”

This was great Charley

Thanks LB….Love the Stuart Smalley…one of my favorite characters. “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and doggone it people like me”…..priceless.

thanks for visiting again, always a pleasure.

Tipsy Lucy says:

Oh Lord! Huge kudos to you for raising the volume on Wolfe. I would have suffered in silence, chicken that I am.

magsx2 says:

Hi charlywalker,
Oh yes that must of been annoying, it is rare that you have a situation like that these days, as you pointed out, where are the ear phones? I’m assuming this situation actually made you work out harder, just to relieve the frustration of it all. 🙂
Thank You for the visit over at my blog.

Funny..I haven’t seen her or her phone since..

Thanks for the drop in!

Wow! Let’s hope it is a one in a year visit. Way to spoil it for everyone else!

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