I recently watched a movie the other night that happens to be one of my favorites; it’s called The Bucket List. It’s a movie about a list of things a person wants to fulfill before they “kick the bucket”. It made me think: Why would a person wait til they are about to die before they think about doing the things they really wanted to do while living? I have always done whatever I set out to do. I personally think my bucket list was handed to me in my Rubbermaid pail when I was able to walk; along with the matching shovel. I learned at an early age to kick your bucket aside and use your shovel to bat the sh*t that flies off the fan…………I was an intense toddler.
I had a list of things written in crayon that I wanted to accomplish, which I did, and I’m still not finished. I think when my time comes and I will be asked about the “things I wanted to do, but never got to”, I will probably just respond with: “I’ve done them thank you, now go fix me a dry martini and change the channel on the TV to Mob Wives…I’m tired of listening to that Sajak guy blowing vowels out his ass…”.
This “Bucket List” topic sparked my interest one night while catching an episode of the Wheel- of -Fortune. I like that show. I get to watch Vanna White grow old in designer gowns. She keeps getting thinner and thinner and before you know it they’ll be rolling in her Versace on a skeleton wearing a blond wig. Pat Sajak will drop his choppers on the Wheel bending over to spin and gumming out the letters for the Bonus Round: “O.K. Vanna, gimme an R-Eth-Teeth-L-N-Eeeeeeeee”( that’s Pat suffering vowel incontinence).
The “Bucket List” came up while Pat was doing his 30 second interview with the contestants. One girl mentioned she had a “Bucket List” and that she has completed most of it, (mind you, this girl was attractive and I assume in the mid 20’s range of age). I asked out loud: “Why would someone so young be concerned about something like that at such a youthful time in their life?”. No one answered me because I was watching the show alone with my dog. If my pooch did respond to me……well…. then…..I guess I would have to face the obvious:
….that being,…my stray came from the same litter as David Berkowitz’ dog…………
This vibrant young lady seemed thrilled to tell the world she had a “Bucket List” on national T.V. while the other two candidates just gave “shout outs” to their peeps and dispensed free advertising to their workplace. I still couldn’t shake the notion of this unseasoned woman and her desire to do what exhausted elderly accede to teetering on their last leg. The strong leg. The one that has to kick the bucket.
But then..WHAM! It hit me like a ton of bad lyric’s thrown by George Michaels; (no, not wake me up before you go-go..)..
Why not pursue a “Bucket List” because you want to; not because yo think you feel pressured to. Life is a bucket of cherries waiting for you to take a bite and spit the pits back into your pail……….with or without dentures. I think this Wheel lady had it down to a science and mapped out her List constructed to fulfill her Fortunate life. I think she was sending a message over the airwaves to entice the audience to re-think this “Bucket List” operandi. Maybe make this list accessible to youngsters who complain too much about their cell phones not being the latest model. Maybe we should make a Bucket List mandatory and have it notarized and produce them adjacent to a birth certificate to hand out to the next generation. Maybe this Bucket List will start with small ventures, like:
1) I will be potty trained before I reach pre-school
2) I will brush my teeth as often as the dentist tells me to after my braces are applied.
3) I will complete my homework and hand it in on time.
4) I will not exceed the speed limit when I’m 16 while carrying a freshly pressed driver’s license.
5) I will not party to excess in college and wake up kneeling over the porcelain god sporting a tattoo I don’t remember getting in Vegas…
6) I will listen to my parents and take out my Ipod earphones when doing so…..
7) I want my Laundry List completed first…
8) I will kick the bucket if it’s left in the middle of the hallway full of dirty water for me to trip over…..
Oh this list could go on until I kick the bucket, but apparently buckets are hard to find these days since the cleaning lady switched to the Wet Jet Mop. I guess we’ll have to change ‘Bucket List” to “Swiffer Starter Kit”.
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