Charlywalker's Blog

{June 10, 2011}   The Biological Blog is Ticking

My daughter will be off to her “sleep-a-way” college very soon and I am having a real push-me-pull-you sensation circling my being with regards to her being an absentee family member at the dinner table.

It’s amazing how fast time flies when you’re raising children.

  Running a close second is my son who will be gone in another year, which leaves just me, a husband, and a crazy dog.  Coming in third is my traveling husband who checks into this House Hotel periodically and has check-out by 11.  So,  inevitably I am left with just me dining with Charly-dog sharing our kibble-n-bits and picking  on a bone or two….

I suppose confronting an empty nest syndrome could cause one to feel slightly deserted  and leaving one to feel alone to combat that empty feeling rising in your stomach, but actually, it’s last nights dessert followed by a gastric flare-up that’s creating the fuss.  And you thought I was going to wallow in  lonely abandonment and cry over Spilt Vintage Port…….

Having the place all to myself???   I say…Halleluja and pass the Pinot Grigio……Sweet freedom…..I can’t think of what I want to do first:  Sleep til noon or Kennel the canine and shop-drop-and -roll into a SPA…….without family interruptus.

Just think of the exhilarating feeling of not getting that emergency call of: “I forgot my English paper  that I left curled up at the bottom of my bed that’s due today,”  while you’re in the middle of a shower that was  already scheduled for an earlier time…..

Or the incredible lightness of being inside your purse that no longer carries the contents of a beloved family members lost possessions…..

Imagine not having to try to cook for four, in addition to  their last minute friends that  may bombard your kitchen promptly at 6pm. Which  leads you to hop in the car and rush to the grocery to buy more food, but as you start the car it’s low on gas because the other family drivers never load the tank, so now there is an unscheduled stop to fill up. Which, when you are grabbing  the car that your daughter inhabits, you nearly have a head-on because you are fighting off a pile of college clothes in the passenger seat causing an avalanche of underwear to flow onto your lap.

Imagine not having to engage in banter about: “How come I can’t go the Marilyn Manson concert by myself, I’m 15 you know……:.” .    (yeah I know…, I was there when you were born…remember?).

Ohhh..I dunno….something about that guys(?) LAST name that bothers me, being that I was  around during the Helter Skelter years….

Lately, my son and I  have been having a communication breakdown.  I think it has to do with an increase in his hormones and a withering away of mine. We are currently amidst a clash of the mighty testosterone-Titans.  He wants his Friday night lights to be continually burning while my dimming levels are suffering a low AC/DC output leaving me longing to lounge into Sunday morning.

My son accused me of not being “cool” and never having any” fun” and  that irritated me because FUN use to be my middle name.  Fun is part of FUNny, which I use to be before my children were born and Worry seem to take funny’s place.

This poor teenage lad thinks his mother was Born This Way. He thinks when I plopped out of the womb I immediately set up shop in a household full of responsibility waving a Clorox wipe to rid all the dust that has been collecting in the ancient corners of my life.

Sometimes you have to drop that parental facade of setting a good example and let that little offspring have a piece of your life as you knew it…..or remember it……

My son exclaimed that I don’t let him have any fun. This statement is based  solely on the premise that I won’t let him go to a RAVE party that mixes thousands of unknowns from around a tri-state area and continues on into the night lasting an eternity…..

He mumbled to me that Everyone is going.

I asked him to give me the names of Everyone;  I’d like to check with Everyone’s parents.  I don’t recall ever meeting the Everyone Family,  and maybe I need to check the school Roster for Everyone’s address and phone number. Maybe Everyone’s Parents  are available for dinner sometime…..(I’ll make sure Everyone is there).

This is where we both reach Moot hormone point…….

Then he hammered  in a closing statement:  “I could lie about it and say I’m going somewhere else and spend the night with a friend, instead….”.( 23K spent on tuition and he ends his clause with an adverb…..).

“Well”..(you smarty teen who thinks he just closed the justice doors on me…) “I guess I would know your lying to me”.

“How?”  He smirks, as if he holds the secret to life.   ( Which I gave to him, by the way...).

“Well”……..(you  know it all teen who couldn’t see a Mac truck breezing in front of your Ipod clad ears):

“You just TOLD me….sooooo…….go on………ask me now if you can spend the night at a friends house…..”.

I sat my son down and explained to him about the repercussions of a lie.  No, I didn’t go into a fancy parable  like my parents use to do and infer references that included Pincochio, Instead ,  I decided to take another twist and give my son a little Flava-Flav of my own accolade of life with my parents.  I told him I too told my folks I was Spending the night at  a friends house when I was his age because my parents wouldn’t let me attend a concert:

“But son”, I said with great urgency and  glowing remembrance;  “this was no ordinary concert, this was a Rock Festival in the late sixties that resembled a mini Woodstock which you are now studying in your History book along with Vietnam, LSD, and Sqeaky Fromme’s red sweat shirt”.

“Son”, I continued, (as if I were there now, three feet away from Jim Morrison crooning “Light My Fire” through his three weeks growth of beard):

“This was a Pop Festival in the summer of ’69 when tickets were $6 and the featured  headliners were the legends of:  The Doors, Ike and Tina Turner, Country Joe and the Fish, Joe Cocker, Bo Didly, Led Zepplin, Alice Cooper, Santana…and Chicago…..”.

(These bands were escaping my palate with all the excitability a fifty-something mother stuck in a time warp could muster….yet trying to keep her parental controls in check….)

“Son, this was two days of reckless existence and FUN nights rolled into a day of recovery………which, when I got caught in my lie ,  nearly cost me a one way ticket to an all girls Catholic school in Canada, thousands of miles away from my friends,  where I would be forced to wear Maroon Knee-highs for Identification purposes only….”.

“Son, if you want to LIE to me and then  get caught, (and  you will get caught) ….(we live in a small rural town), please make sure that whatever story you concoct in that under developed teen brain of yours, is for a worthy cause…….like something that has gone down in History………..”.

“Attending an over sized party of punks that is hosting a Dee-Jay who  scratches vinyl records for a living is nothing to RAVE about to your children…”.

(It was soon after my  total recall rant that my Coed daughter decided to chime in and eradicate her life of missing concerts, which started the dog barking and dinner was burning…).

Maybe I won’t miss the tete-a-tete’s that bring my blood sugar to a boiling point, but I do know I’ll miss the presence  of my children at my dinner table.  Sometimes letting a little of your past leak out can mark your place on the “teenage map” of life and put you on the “cool Mom’s” continent.

 And, Sometimes,  you just  have to concede and curl up with the dog and wait until they come back home for well missed dinner……..

“Fun” is different for all generations. For kids, “cool” means not understanding that actions have consequences. As an adult, we realize there is a middle ground.

True…and levels of fun change over time…. Thanks for the drop in!

For the record I was a model teenager! I never did anything to drive my mom batty.:)


Ask your mother to call me…..LOL… Thanks for stopping by again and again…always a pleasure.

I chuckled all the way through that post. My husband leaves for one month tomorrow, and on Monday, my son starts college, summer semester. I’m simultaneously thrilled at the possibilities all this free time tempts me with, and also terrified of the silence, the quiet. It will be interesting to see this solitude play out.

OK..Renee..time for a doggie in your life….LOL Thanks for the kind words and always a pleasure to serve you humor!!

Phil says:

See, I know you’re cool, especially if you’ve been to Woodstock! The thing is however, no matter how cool you are, those pesky kids will NEVER think you’re cool. I bet you Madonna’s kids think she’s a such a dork. I’m also betting you’re gonna like the placid calm of your home sans kids, even if it is an adjustment. And of course, just as you start to get used to the calm, they will start hinting that after college, they might have to move back in. So, you may want to consider finding a nice one bedroom condo before then…

LOL…I never made it to Woodstock…went to a scaled down version in Seattle……It would have cost me my life had I attempted to migrate toward Yasgur’s Farm at the age of 15……. rethinking that One bedroom tho…… Thanks for the drop in.

Wow! You went to Woodstock? Very cool, your son has no clue how cool you are. My parents wouldn’t let me see Star Wars until they did to make sure it was safe, but that was the only thing I remember them restricting me from, they gave up after that.

BTW Marilyn Manson isn’t that bad, it’s all a stage persona like Alice Cooper….Marilyn’s real name is Brain Warner from Ohio and he was just a nerdy geek who got beat up on by the jocks in his school and he swore vengence by becoming a Rock Star and putting them all in their place….he is having the last laugh……whether you like him, hate him or could care less you should read his book, it’s very interesting.

Bassman, thanks for the drop in….however, I state that I attended “what resembled a MINI Woodstock”…. It was called the Seattle Pop Festival held in the summer of ’69……featuring all those great bands and more… I do not have any issues with Marilyn Manson, I used it for it’s analogy…I lived in Los Angeles too long to not know there are people behind the masks…LOL I love Alice Cooper & Manson, and I will pick up that book….I love people getting the Last Laugh in life….

Star Wars??? That was the most benign film…LOL…I had my kids watch the first trilogy before the “fancy” ones came out and Lucas destroyed them…..

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After all five of us had left home, mother (retired teacher) said, “Please come home often, darlings, but don’t think you have to stay long.” We laughed. She meant it! 😀 She also warned us that she would love being a grandmother which did not include being an automatic built in babysitter.

Actually the grandchildren came often because I was the youngest and loved keeping them entertained. For once, I had someone to boss around! I never had children of my own – a career was my priority. I told my family that God gave children to the ones who knew what they were doing.

When you get tired of spoiling yourself, you’ll have figured out something you love to do.

Thanks Soul, but I believe there is an exception to every rule…….I played it by ear….I kept hoping there would be an instruction manual included with the delivery……

You’re going to love the empty nest. So much so that when they come back to visit you won’t be able to wait until they leave … and this has nothing to do with loving them or not. It’s simply your due.

I Know!! *guilty* as charged…….. Thanks for stopping in!

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