One day I went to the Giant Conglomerate Corner the Market Pet Store to return a Doggie item. Two days prior I entered the store in search of a Pet Gate to ward off my puppy displaying the evil eye to Christmas Trees methodically placed throughout the house. I walked into this huge warehouse filled with dog merchandise in hope of getting assistance with a purchase. Three times I approached a logo appareled employee and three times I was shunned and told: “someone will be ri-i-ight with you in aisle 300″.
I waited ten minutes until a woman wearing a famous brand of puppy chow T-shirt saw me stranded and asked if I needed help. I explained my need and she seemed enthralled with my being a new puppy owner. She completely bypassed the fact that I needed a gate and started her pitch about; “what kind of food am I feeding my newbie?”. Then she preceded to load me up with coupons from her company and stated that she didn’t work for the store, BUT, she did know where the gates were located and handed me a blue print of the store.
I asked another Pet Smartie personnel for assistance and was again told to: “wait, and someone will be ri-i-i-ght with me”.
At that point I gave up. I tried to find my way back to the entrance of the store and got lost, thank God for the trail of doggie treat coupons I dropped along the way that were blowing out the door….
On my return trip I was greeted again by the Science Chow Lady balancing a tray of cookies. I was starving after being shuffled around the store and grabbed the big one with the white frosting and sprinkles shaped in a Paw print. She could see that I had a long face probably due to the many people dogging my needs.I’m sure It had nothing to do with my gagging on the cookie that was specially baked for Dogs.(they looked so realistic…)
I must have looked lame and overwhelmed standing in the center…..alone…..with no dog to guide me. I do not do well in giant stores. They are too big and cold. Not just the attitude but the temperature as well. I felt so alone and on my own. I felt as though I will have to make the decisions by myself on what items to get my puppy. I do not have enough experience to do that. I am codependent when it comes to my puppy. I need guidance and expertise and be lead by the nose for my purchases. I need constant attentive care from an expert because I am clueless in Doggie conscientiousness. I like someone to get to know me and my pet on a first paw basis. I don’t like standing out (?) in the cold warehouse knee deep in doggie-stuff.
This Science Smart Lady had expertise. She asked if I found the right gate. (she must have recognized me from the cookie crumbs on my blouse). I told her “no”. I had given up on the scandalous gate expedition and ventured out to the doggie-treat aisle hidden behind a life size cut-out of the Dog Whisperer holding his latest Edition.
I did ask her about doggie chews. I desperately needed a tougher chew for my pups budding canines that seem to be navigating away from squishy toys and headed directly for coffee table legs. She kindly walked me over to the Raw Hide section that held 100 different varieties of chews. The titles on the packages brought back memories of childhood TV shows. One packet of Rollem’ might Get along with my little doggie…..
The chow woman pointed out a package of rawhide rings. Bacon flavored. She told me that these are the best chews for dogs and that other raw hides are not good for pups because pieces break off and they choke. I asked about the Heimlich disclosure on the back of the package. She just smiled and stared at me like a broken traffic light. One gentleman overheard our conversation and verified her statement. He said “His new puppy just ado-o-ores these rings”.
Oh, well, then , how could I possibly go wrong. It had the Pet Smart Public seal of approval. I asked the Chow Specialist what these rawhide rings are made of? She grinned: “Bull Testicles”.
Bull testicles. My 7th month old puppy is going to snack on bull testes. Well, here’s waving a red flag in my face. Right. Ole! El Torro! Areeeba! Let’s feed our little darlings a catastrophic castration to sink their teeth into. Let’s recycle those balls of glory to do some good in this recession. I wonder if the Bull gets a cut in this New Raw(hide) Deal. BULLY!
Just put it on my CHARGE..
spread the humor.