Charlywalker's Blog

{November 5, 2011}   Blog Wars

As I mentioned briefly in my last post, my son is in the process of filling out applications to various colleges of his (?) choice.  I am glad that we are now in the techno- age and this tedium can be completed online instead of the hoards of paperwork covering the floor like confetti.

My son has mastered the first few lines of the application, and I thank God for all the education I paid for so he can fill in his name, address and phone number correctly.  On one of the applications his mouse tripped over a tab asking for his ethnicity.  He clicked on the menu and viewed the drop-down of options that proposedly describe his inherit make- up.  He scanned the itemized arrangement of nouns and adjectives covering the world and turned to me and asked:

“What is my ethnicity?”.

I internalized his question and tried to visualize our family tree to see if I could manage to shake out some Ancestry in under 30 seconds to supply him with a proper response to adhere to the applications request.  He interrupted my mental search engine and asked:

“What do I place in the Race?”.

I said: ” Just tell them you won by a nose”.

Finishing his eye rolling he darted back:

“Am I White- non-Hispanic?”

I stated in return:

” See if they have beige with freckles and completing  your fourth year of  Spanish…….”.

He returned to the menu options and scrolled to the end of a long checklist of titles until  he spotted a selection dubbed Caucasian.

Then  asked…….:

“What about Caucasian….click that?”

I stood over the sink scrubbing  the burnt remnants resting on the bottom of a pot from last nights dinner and peeled my Rubber- Maid gloves off my fingers and  raced over to my sons computer.  In doing so, I started to examine  his statement: What about Caucasian..

I have to admit I don’t even know what that word describes or means, but I was taught as a kid to check that  category….no questions asked.   I never liked checking that box or any other box for that matter. What difference does it make.

  Caucasians, I later discovered through my sons investigation on the Web,  evolved from a dividing line between Asia and Europe with some added spice that included Polynesia.  They settled in an area called Mount Caucasus and produced Caucasoids and Europids. (Caucasoid? Europid? These sound like something you need an ointment for……..).   This group harbored the likes of Russians, Hindu, Azerbaijan, Armenian, Iranian, Turkey, and North Africa. My son also found that this Mt. Caucasus, in it’s time, “produced the most beautiful men”.

So…where were  the women in this mix?  I don’t know who lead that Caucus……….

My son interrupted the rant going on in my mind and asked again which option to select.   This opened the door to discussions of family genes and the history of our clan.  The Ancestry showed we derived from a menu of  a Heinz 57 variety and could not be narrowed down to just one Box.

So??” He continues, ” Which box do I mark and what is the one called Other for?

I don’t get why they  have a need for any classification in the first place. What difference does it make and who set that standards anyway, and he’s right in asking about the “Other”.  I never knew what that category includes and I still don’t, and I think Everyone filling out applications should check that Other box. I think we all fall into that category one way or another. I thought having to check the Caucasian selection was odd , but who are the Other’s?    I know The Other’s is an old movie set in a haunted New Jersey Mansion featuring a mega star from Australia and directed by a man from Santiago, Chile.  I wonder if they checked the Other Box when applying for this movie.

I snapped out of my telepathic tirade and tried not to harangue myself as my son chimed  in :

“MOM, mom, moooom….chill”.

I don’t think this application  process was meant to be this overwhelming within the first paragraph and I wonder if there are any OTHER teens contemplating the categories offered on this collegiate menu. Or questioning it.

I told my son to leave that section blank and write in his own box and mark it:

POPEYE…I yam what I yam…..AAAHuuUUHGUhGuhGuh

spread the humor.

the777man says:

I hate those questions! First of all they are designed to prevent discrimination, but if the question was not on the application then no one could discriminate in the first place could they? When I was married and we owned a mortgage company we were required to provide that information, so if I client declined to answer I had to fill it in for them. I had to do this even if I never saw them and only talked to them on the phone??? Like Hellllooooooo!

By the way you are lucky, my daughter sends away for information on colleges, but just can not decide even what she wants to do… She hasn’t even got to the front page of the application and we are now in February almost March! I keep telling her to just go get her General Ed done at a community college and then she can decide, but the EX is insisting on her going to a 4 year college??? wtf is he thinking!

toosoxy says:

there really should be a category for freckled people. we are that special.

LOL..I agree! Oh wait… age spots count?…. Thanks for the drop in!

Phil says:

What? No “Undecided” option? Such a neglected minority group, those undecideds are…

I love the statements made by all these institutions of higher learning that they will not tolerate any discrimination of gender or race whatsoever, and then proceed to ask what is your gender and what is your race as the very next questions.

I can’t wait to see what gems you’ll come up with regarding the essay questions…

Thanks Phil…..still on the first page…lol

Heidi says:

So funny! All this boxing up of each unique child! I hope it stops at some point in the near future.

Thanks for the drop in Heidi!

Arindam says:

Nice blog… so funny!
Thanks a lot for comment in my blog. But unfortunately your comment got deleted, as you gave your comment on that link to my original post, rather then giving it in original post. So I could not reply to you.
Still thanks a lot for visit to my blog. Hope to see you again in my blog. I really enjoyed your blog. Keep Writing!

barb19 says:

That was so funny charly, thanks for the chuckle! Did your son actually end up completing that question?

lol….to be continued…..

“I don’t think this application process was meant to be this overwhelming”

That’s what I was thinking as I was reading this C. You are an imaginative marvel. 🙂

Thanks LB! Isn’t Marvel a type of comic (book)…….LOL

Too funny..I am being with what used to be freckles but are now age spots!!

LOL…I hear you! Thanks for the drop in!

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