Charlywalker's Blog

{January 16, 2012}   A Blog is a Terrible Thing to Waste..

My high school son announced the other day that he was getting a tattoo.

I told him: “That’s nice, and when you leave for your  INK appointment make sure you take extra clothes with you”.

He stated back: ” Why? Do they make you change your clothes?”.

“No”.  I smiled back at him….” You’ll be needing something  to wear when you find yourself  no longer living in this house for doing something stupid”.

“My friend Jordan got one”….He mocks back.  “It’s scripture, written under his arm”.

“Well”, I breath out between gritted teeth, “I’m sure  God will be pleased to know that his word is being spread through Jordan’s armpit”.

 He carries on:  “You know I turn 18 soon, and I don’t need your permission. That’s what Jordan did”.

I hate that sense of entitlement and the continual referencing of the legal age of consent being thrown at me.  Just four years prior I had to defend against the dark art of over usage of that illegal statement by my daughter.  (That’s right..I call it an Illegal statement because teens tend to use it before they are deemed legal).

I smiled that smile you may have seen painted across the Mona Lisa’s face;  the one that smirks: I’m not that innocent…..

I shot back: ” Son, you are right, you don’t need my permission, nor my money, nor a roof over your head, nor the car you drive, nor the snowboard and all the equipment that goes with it, nor the food in the fridge, nor the education I provided, nor the pants that hang below the boxer line, nor the straight teeth, nor the numerous Doctor visits to cure your acne, nor…”

“Mom”…he tries to chime in, interrupting my total recall as I tally his bill and prepare an invoice for Mom Services Rendered.

“Moooom, stop already..I get it”.

“Oh sorry son, sometimes my Stepford brain wiring runs amok with  phrases pertaining to child rearing chores…”

I continue; ” It triggers a signal when a teen gives me eye rolling attitude and it can fly out of control when such teen harbors intense entitlement followed by  contemptible demands that are rooted and enhanced by Jordan’s freshly  stamped armpit”.

How is it that I give birth to two different children of two different genders four years apart, yet I am  met with similar situations at roughly the same time intervals? How…

My daughter once came to me at the same age and roughly the same time with the same demand: I’m getting a tattoo.  Why do they pick a tattoo. Why not a new spiral notebook or a matching pair of High GPA’s.  If they are looking to instill the shock value, getting high scores might do it for me…..

As far as I can tell, I quashed the tattoo dilemma with my daughter the same way I managed to hold off any piercings in areas where they don’t belong.  When my daughter was five she wanted her ears pierced.  Her reasoning at the time was:

 “Because her friend Emily is getting her ears pierced”.

  I wasn’t going to get into the family accolade of my mother’s comeback to anything I wanted to do in benefit of someone else, that being: “Well would you jump off a bridge if so-n-so jumped off a bridge?”.

In which I always responded with: “Possibly… it depends on the weather”.  Or some ending that would throw her a curve ball and cause her Stepford Brain to re-route…

I brought my daughter to a local mall to get her ears pierced as she petitioned.  As we stood next in line, the first piercing victim was a four year old girl stepping up to a high stool  minus any arm support. We watched as the ear-piercing attendant approached her with a giant gun that shoots studs into her delicate lobes.  My daughter witnessed an unbearable Ear Piercing scream from the cute little waif and grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the exit doors.

The next piercing conversation that came up was in her teens when the rave was attaching  a gold hoop through your navel, nose, tongue, and any other not for prime time area of the body. I merely discussed with her that should she attempt to pierce anything but the lobe of her ears, I will personally shop her down and remove the piercing my self….no anesthesia required…..

My first born’s inclinations for obtaining an underage tattoo came about later ,nearing her high school graduation. She, too, offered up the proverbial ” Household Teen Amendment” of: “When I’m eighteen………..”.

It was then I took the medical approach to describe in pain staking detail to my daughter the artistry of Tattooing, knowing full well  of the intense fear she has of needles.  I know this first hand from the early years of her receiving inoculations by the Pediatrician.  My daughter required a Swat team to steady her limbs…..

I continued my diatribe of the long term effect of hosting a tattoo.  I calmly explained that depending upon the physical location of this desired Ink Splotch, she will wake up one morning with that cute little butterfly she posted on the lower 40 anatomy and discover its collagen wings  collapsed  and fell into a fatty fold. And in another thirty years or so  she will experience the butterfly defect of The Girl with the Dragging tattoo….

For all you fresh parents out there who shelter tiny tots and elementary  dumplings who can’t imagine ever being confronted with issues outside of Gerber, Lego, and little league;  hold onto your diaper bags when you hit that bump in the stroller.  There will come a time when one has to confront the battle of the almost legal teen who  proudly injects their unprincipled Bill of Rights onto your List of Wrongs.

Just make sure you don your under armor and prepare for the battle of parental injustice as they cry  foul play when you take their hand in yours and guide them down that road of   teenage wasteland to take  a sneak  peek  under their armpit nation…….

spread the humor. This one’s for you Karen…

Ron says:

What’s a mother to do? When my older brother got a tattoo, my mother tore up his birth certificate and his Army Discharge Papers.

Oh My…I like your mum and I haven’t even met her!
Thanks for the drop in.

Reblogged this on Charlywalker's Blog and commented:

A re-Blog to wet your whistle as I prepare to return…

Eagerly looking for to your return CW.

Hi! I nominate you to receive the Kreativ Blogger Award!

Click here and check it out! Love your blog!

Great post. I have a little one too and i’m seriously going to start praying that I don’t have to go through the whole “I want a wierd piercing or tatoo” phase. Anywhoo thanks for stopping past my blog and liking my post!

char says:

Loved your calm arguments to your son. So funny. I agree with your assessment of tattoos becoming quite ugly with age (and fat). I don’t see what the big hype with them is. I have never seen one that I thought made anyone look ‘better;’ quite the opposite.

My kids are six and three…and I have decided I need to keep tabs on your posts so I can be prepared for what lies ahead. I used to teach high school, and I’m terrified out of my wits. It will be nice to have little ammo courtesy of your knowledge and experience. Thanks!

I think with kids you do what you can when you can and hope that they’ll make the right decisions when it’s their turn.

Mary says:

Be sure to let us know if either child, okay, 18 year old adult, ever gets a tattoo!

My niece had her belly button pierced and her dad swore she was gonna get pregnant. After my sister-in-law calmed him with the assurance that you can’t get pregnant from a belly button ring, things got back to semi-abnormal. Now my niece has a tattoo on her hip that says impervious. Impervious? Really? Nice post. Made me laugh & thankful we are passed the rebellion with our kids…but still in the age of confusion.

Lovely writing with lots of bounce and head screwed on securely. Absolutely downright true – agh the attack of the dreaded tattoo and piercing, self mutilation, look at me lurgy! :0 Super post

I love it! I went through the same things with my stepson…only his mother never forbid it she actually encouraged his freedom to expres shimself. He didn’t live with me he wasn’t going to listen to any ultimatums I gave him, so I introduced him to a few people and showed him some things online. I showed him tattoos that people regretted in later years as well as sagging and distorted tattoos. I knew I wasnt going to disuade him, but at least he heeded most of my advice. All his tattoos, well most (he has several now) can be hidden by a short sleeve T-shirt and are on areas that will not expand as he does. The only tattoo you can easily see is part of a small dragon on his arm with his daughters name. Unfortuatley he did learn the hard way why you NEVER tattoo someones name on yourself unless its a child or parent, the mother of his daughter has been covered with Ivy.

Wow! That is one great parental rant! I could have used it on my daughter a few years ago. I managed to slow down the tattoo train until she was 21 and then her first showed up — a cross on the lower 40! Now she’s 26 and has 3 of them! Of course, I had the added problem of having tattoos of my own and got the, “well, you got them” argument. The fact that I was in the Navy and a wild and crazy guy did not register with her. Neither did the statement, “your future husband may not like you having tattoos.” Now that she is on her own, the only ammunition I have left is refusing to go to her house and hang pictures and lift stuff for her. It’s not much, but, as a parent, you use what you can. HF

SandySays1 says:

Somewhere, about the time you humans crawled out of caves, some less than wise Neaderthal decided he’d look better disfigured. Seeing some of the pics of those ansestral folks he might have had a point. The point is it took Homo sapiens thousands of years and something called civilization to learn it wasn’t cool to permanently mark up the old bod. Isn’t it amazing that some rock stars who probably haven’t taken a bath since the Stone Age and some peer pressure can rollback 100,000 years of progress?

LOL…..You’re Top Dog Sandy!

I have no idea why there is an advertisement posted on my blog…….

Rob Rubin says:

My 5 year old loves Cracker Jacks tattoos. And that’s the only kind he will get while living here.

jonesingafter40 says:

We’re at the “other girls are dyeing their hair” and “allowed to wear make-up” stage. My daughter is twelve. I’m at the “I feel sorry for other girls whose parents don’t care about them, you’re not wearing makeup or dyeing your hair stage.” I’m going to save “The Girl with the Dragging Tattoo” for future use!! Great post!!

“I’m sure God will be pleased to know that his word is being spread through Jordan’s armpit”. LMAO! Well, its probably better than Rick Santorum’s religious message, right? 😉

Welcome to the part of parenting that none of us evah look forward to, the “when I am 18” period. Sometimes it passes, sometimes it doesn’t…but your (and our) ace in the hole, is the one you used and it usually works every time. Having a roof over their heads usually trumps anything and everything they seem to desire at that ‘golden’ age of adulthood.

Thanks Dusty! I miss your comments! I hope you especially enjoyed ” The girl with the Dragging tattoo”……lol….

Phil says:

I about nearly coughed up my morning coffee at the “Girl with the Dragging Tattoo.” LOL!

At least for the kids, tattoos seem to be driven by peer pressure. I do have to wonder what the hell this guy was thinking though.

Um… OK

I’m glad you enjoyed that, I found myself chuckling when I wrote it….I was hoping there were others out there with my silly sense of blogging….. thanks for the faithful read!!

“Possibly…it depends on the weather”! Genius, and though mine is now away at college, I think it would still be relevant; it would be such fun to watch his face as he tries to figure out what the devil that means! And Girl With the Dragging Tatoo? You are on fire today.

Thanks Renee..I am so glad someone caught that!! I don’t know what’s going on..I think it’s the menopause blogging….

You held the line here nicely Charly. Well done.

I would have simply said “Just because you’re at a legal age to do something stupid doesn’t mean you should jump at it with mach speed.”

Your way actually didn’t insult him as mine did but laid the guilt trip on him he deserved. 🙂

Thanks LB! I could use you as an editor………in life & blog!

barb19 says:

Loved your post Charly!
I remember going through the same stuff with my youngest who wanted a piercing through his nose – he was 16 at the time. The usual conversation ensued about infection, pain, being too young, etc., but he went and did it anyway, unknown to me till he came home with it in his nose. He only wore it for a few weeks – the novelty had worn off, and he never wore it again!
Do you think they do these things just to “get at us”?

Absolutely! That is their mission in life….lol.. thanks for the drop in!

When I turned 18, while I was away at college I got a tattoo, and nose and naval piercings. It had absolutely nothing to do with my mother or the fact that she would disapprove. If anything, it was in spite of that fact. Teenagers are trying desperately to define who they are. Tattoos and piercings are a way of asserting that identity, the same way that wearing your favorite patterend shirt or getting your hair cut does. The only thing I think is important in waiting for something like a tattoo is that your identity, tastes and ideals change so incredibly much between the time you’re 16 and 25 that inking something permanent has about an 80% chance of no longer being relevant in 10 years. That being said, I’ve had my tattoo (of a treble clef type design in a discrete location) for 7 years now and if anything, I’m about a million times happier I have it now than I did. As far as the piercings, they’re both closed up. Somehow it’s just not appropriate for a woman in her mid twenties to be walking around with a butterfly earing in her naval.

Thank you for the drop in!

I was 21 when I had my ears pierced and I thought my mother would jump through my windshield as I made a hasty retreat from her reaction. Who knew I’d be met with an infection-declaring mother with whom I had never discussed any bodily invasion – not even tampax!

smorzaria says:

My friend has also said she will get a tattoo, I doubt she’ll do it anyway 🙂

Thanks for stopping in!

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