Ok…bare with me….I’m going to go on a tirade that will get your juices flowing.
Recently I stopped into a Walgreen’s in search of a Slip-n-slide to entertain the twin boys next door. Now that my children are off to college and surpass the height, weight, and age requirement posted on the front of this Wham-O box, I thought I might spread the joy onto another generation.
Although it’s the end of summer and the aisle’s in Walgreen’s are embellished with Halloween decor, I just thought I might get lucky in the leftover “Summer water-fun” section and happen upon a lonely re-taped box containing a Surf Rider for the lawn. I ended up going to three different stores before I finally stumbled upon my Product of Gold. And I do mean stumbled Up On.
After countless minutes of wandering aimlessly through misdirected passageways offered up by the one purple haired texting employee, I turned toward the area that her rolling eye’s pointed to and tripped over a yellow and blue box waving it’s slip-n-slide tongue at me. I noticed the empty shelves of all the Summer days drifting away and me standing alone at the end cap of aisle seven investigating the last Slip-in Slide exploding out of it’s cardboard casket. It appears that I was not the only one in search of Summer Fun that afternoon as I witnessed a glob of amber synthetic petrochemical out pouching from it’s home. It look like another patron did a little breaking and entering causing an escapee of fire retardants to seep through the strapping tape.
I slipped the collapsed slide from it’s pocket to inspect it for flaws; as I would hate to get the three year old twins jacked up for a round of belly-flopping and later find a tear and cause their Summer dreams ripped into seams…..Well-a well-a-well a- huh…
Ok.. I’ll tell you more… tell you more…
This isn’t about the slip-n-slide it’s about the box Angry bird fruit gummy’s I purchased as an after thought while exiting the store. Angry bird gummy’s that eventually found themselves returned to the store because the Green Bird contained something dark and sinnister in it’s gummy belly. This was noted when a child was about to pop it in her mouth at the poolside. It was a good thing that this kid likes to investigate her food as if she were a cast member of CSI, before she passed it through her gums. Her keen sense of , ” Hey, what happened to this angry bird gummy”, brought my attention to the small black spot burrowed in the belly of this Angry Green Bird.
I snatched that gummy from her hand and inspected the foreign body lying inside the gummy bird. It looked like a small part of a bug. This gummy had a bug up its ass…...now I see why they are called Angry Birds.
I went back to the store to return the box of Angry Bird Fruit Gummy’s made in Mexico. I did not go to the original store where I bought them, I went to a store closer to my home which is located in a different state. I live south of the border in my state and have the opportunity to shop tax free in another state on a daily basis.
I managed to track down a manager to present my Angry Bird Gummy case and produced the body of one disgruntled Green Gummy. I told her I read the ingredients on the side of the box and how it neglected to mention any added protein to the mix.
The manager was amenable as I handed her the receipt and I explained that I bought this item in a tax free state. She counterclaimed that in my State most food is not taxed. I was dumbfounded, as I thought all food was tax free. I asked about the gummy’s status in that genre of taxation. She expounded on the difference of percentages of Fruit in the food:
“If the gummy’s contain a high percentage of fruit they are considered Food”.
I asked her where is the cap line for the gummy birds and might this Gaggle of gummy’s not make the tax free cut. Maybe the Red Angry bird has more fruit matter and carries the weight for the rest of the Angry flock. I asked if there is a flow chart that determines which gummy’s make it as food and which get (T)axed…and what about all the other products that contain Fruit. Like Orange Juice or Juicy Fruit Gum……W(r)igle(y) your way out of that one…..
I walked out of that store thinking about which elected official spending my tax dollars, actually sat down and thought this out to present to the government when the Food Tax Addendum was in session. I could just envision this appointed delegate entering the Senate with his/her box of Angry Bird Gummy’s to argue the amount of fruit contained in this Green Angry Bird. I wonder if this dignitary presented the facts based on the history of the Angry Bird’s which shows that this Green Angry Bird can spin around and smash objects from the other side and is similar to and nicknamed; The Boomerang.
No wonder it came back to the store.
spread the humor.