Charlywalker's Blog

{February 2, 2010}   Lucky Blog.

My puppy is going to get neutered this month. Do you think I should tell him ahead of time or let him wake up finding a piece of the anatomy puzzle missing and watch him wildly sniffing the hole in his Kong. They say that it is time and this will curb a lot of his aggression and hostility. Personally I still want to advocate for psychotherapy, maybe a change in diet and exercise routine, and top it off with a puppy prozac. The thought of this upsets me. I know it is for the betterment of….of…..of who? The dog gets castrated and can’t continue a normal healthy appetite for what is suppose to be a natural phenomenon. Instead he donates his balls to a society who claim that this is necessary. A Humane society. Kind of an oxymoron if you ask me. How humane is it to remove genitals from a seven month young pup, that until just now, realized they were hanging there. He likes them. He licks them. He knows they are there. Right now, they complete him. I understand having something like this done if there is a hint of a disease attached. Is this really good for them?  “Get them neutered right away, as early as possible, here is our price list and a summary of  the procedure”. Price: $350 Summary: Cut Balls Off. I am not going to be the one that takes him. I do not want my face to be the last thing he sees before going under the knife and later assimilating me with his new lack of Dog-hood. Oh yeah, Charly will just hop right in the car next time I’m behind the wheel going to the Vet. right. AND, what do they do with all these specimens they surgically remove. Are they put on dry ice for any reversals should there be a change of heart in the next five years and maybe, just maybe, Charly wants to start a family? Is there an age of consent in puppies? Do I have to try to locate the mother for permission? Maybe she’ll demand money from me. What do they do with the tiny marbles they take  from my pup? Do they coldly toss them into organic garden of epididymis?  Are they transplanted onto geriatric dogs? Or God forbid, are those tiny rocks given to the owner to take home and what, place them under Charly’s pillow awaiting the Testes fairy to arrive with a bag of Snausages? Or OMG, maybe I am suppose to have them bronzed and encased in glass next to my son’s soccer trophies. Yeah, there’s one for the Gipper. ( Or should I say two…)!  I think that could cause extreme post operative trauma for my dog to have to view his lost articles on a daily basis.  Maybe they are thrown into an incinerator with all the others and end up in smoke. Puts a little twist on All Dogs going to Heaven. I do know some People that have their gallstones removed and they like to make them into jewelry. Kind of like a badge of courage. Maybe Charly would like a new Ball Bling around his neck. I could make it into a mood bling that will change colors as his testosterone decreases. Hey, maybe that’s the answer to PMS and menopause. Mood Jewelry.

The only jewelry that will elevate my mood had better come in carats with a flawless rating.

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