Charlywalker's Blog

{May 7, 2011}   Nice Blogs Finish Last

I received a phone call the other day from my physician.  I knew this was not going to be a call that would generate a rebate from my co-pay,  the clue being ,NO physician on earth ever calls a patient unless they have some pertinent news for your ears only. News that might get caught up in the Hippa web should he email you. Or news that can not be delegated to a subordinate to relay.   He phoned to give me the news that the biopsy he took the other day and sent out to the CSI  Lab came back positive. He assured me that it  would be “O.K.” because this was the “good cancer”.

Oh thank God. I had no idea there were discrepancies in cancer. I knew of stages, but not dueling battles between good and bad.  I wonder if bad cancer wears a black hat toting a six shooter and hops off a POPular pony to burst through swinging bar doors  announcing his arrival. On the same note, I wonder if the Good cancer wears a white hat and can catch a  silver bullet between his teeth while tap dancing in gold cowboy boots. I better stop wondering and get working.

I trotted off to research this in my Physicians Desk Reference. If you don’t own one of these….DON’T purchase one. This over priced and over weight book has so much detailed information that reading  it will guarantee to make you sick even if you are well.  I thumbed through to the big “C” section and tried to find the  definition for “good” cancer.  I couldn’t locate it anywhere on the pages. I found every other adjective describing various cancers but none using the prefix “good”. Hmmm, I’m baffled.  Is it a good cancer because it’s not a … a……..bad cancer?  This led me on a chase in section “B” to hog-tie a Bad cancer.  Oh, silly, there is no listing for bad cancer. There was Basal cell, ( not the green leafy kind), bilateral ( hmm, maybe look at it from both sides), bone (in or out, wait, that’s a steak reference), brain ( brainer), breast ( oh my…blush), bladder (weak, the mere mention and I’m off to trot).. oh Lordy, all those B’s….I may start to  stutter like a silly swine….. ah-ba-dee…ah-ba-dee…… that’s all folks.

  I strayed from my current reading material to  mosey over to the local  phone book and round-up the Yellow Pages. I lassoed my reading glasses around my head to capture the fine print. I guess I  got distracted and started to seek out good vs bad Doctors……..but there were no listings with that heading.  I did come across a a few named Evil and  Jekyll,.. oh wait I was still in the “A” section under Attorney’s….

 I phoned my Doctor back and asked him about his findings. I petitioned his requisition about his statement that I have a “good” cancer.  He echoed: “not to worry,  this is the good kind of cancer”.  Oh great, now I have a good cancer that is polite, but hopefully not the kind to spread its generosity around.  Maybe it’s a courteous  and chivalrous type that would untie a lady from the railroad track before the train hits and causes a snide whiplash.  Good cancer.  How do you treat a Good cancer, do you use gentle persuasion? “Now, run along you little naughty nodule and don’t let me catch your benign butt back here again”…..  I have never heard of a cancer being described in those terms; good or bad.   I am beginning to wonder if he actually sent my specimen to a pathologist or to a Cotillion Instructor. Probably to the moon.    How much money do these guys make in a minute anyway…..

 Well I will tell you….  I once calculated that number.

 During a visit to our Orthopedic specialist, a matter of five minutes  was spent with my son to examine his wrist that was injured while snowboarding  down killer mountain. It came out to be roughly $130 a minute. I started to question the Doctor about after care and he darted back “Gimme a minute…”   I cherish  those opportune moments where  I have an epiphany and a burning desire to enroll my son in medical school. I dangled the new snow board carrot as his ultimate goal…..(not to mention an all inclusive Assisted Living space for mommy equipped with a bar and  limo driver….pending graduation…).

Making light of what could be construed as a life threatening situation is not what most people do when they are confronted with the “C” word.  I am no stranger to this announcement, I have been confronted with this issue before.  People tend to react in different ways; either they have the wind knocked out of their sails or they are settled in disbelief or they just put on a cape and go forward wearing a mask.  I have sat in all those saddles.  Each time I witnessed the “C” who shall not be named, it was always followed by the word “Good”.  And this has been good. And now I get to add the word “Kind” to it. And that is better.

So I told the Doctor; “good”,  I like good.  You  better be good; Good is as Good does……. I’d hate to have to jump back to the “A” section in the yellow pages……Goodie- goodie..gums drop…..

* note to all: I’m fine and not finished spreading the humor……

I am an observer of patterns. People survive and thrive these days, more than ever, after hearing the C word.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guarantee it in your case.

Thanks OA, I’ve walked that limb before and the branch has always stood firm for me. P.S. Are you and Hanson having dueling blogs? It’s starting to resemble a cartoon…..

It was a funny idea he cooked up to generate some cross traffic.

Is it working? I tend to like you better solo….

Hi charlywalker. Thinking of you and not charging you $130 / minute for it. 🙂

I suggest you take that Physicians Desk Reference and use it as a door stop instead. Keep up the humor and positive vibes.

Those doctor phone calls are always nerve-wracking. Your rendition of it seems much more calm and contemplative than my reaction would be.

I have several medical books that I like to check out at various times. I especially like the pages long symptom graphs that ask you: Do you have this…then move on to this next area. Every once in a while it ends abruptly with – “Call 911! Emergency! Go to a hospital immediately!” Luckily, we’ve only had one of those instances so far.

Heal quickly.

Hey Sis…dontcha just love those publications?? They can get your heart started…LOL Thanks for the drop in, always a pleasure!

Charlywalker – Good living finishes first! You present a picture of knowing how to live. We all need to live well and enjoy a damned good sense of humour. Here’s one of my favourite poets, the ribald ol’ buggar Felix! He reads his poem about one of his friends who LIVES heartily:

This certainly has SOUL! Thanks for this I enjoyed it immensely and thank You for dropping in again, and again,,and again….

LA.Knowles says:

Humor will get you through. My sister’s sense of humor got her through the entire time she had cancer. She told me she had to remain positive if she was going to make it through all the treatments they gave her. You can do it, Charly. Thankful they caught it early. Thankful the doctor was on top of things. My sister fought it. So can you! And I love your blog.


That Assisted Living Center sounds pretty good. Ah, that word again!

barb19 says:

Sorry you are having to go through all this Charly; I think your wit will see you through. Thinking of you . . .

Thanks Barb, it has before and will again. This is the first time I thought I would write about it. Thanks for the drop in, always a pleasure!

Now this is not good. Two blogs concerning cancer in one day.

I was reading one of my favorite blogs by Ronni Bennett, Time Goes By who directed us to this blogger whose last post was submitted after his death.

I share it with you not to be morose Charly but to let you know you’re not alone. People deal with this every day and this how one of them faced it. Sad as it was, it was also somewhat uplifting.

I hope this is the type of cancer that is not “bad” and that you caught it early enough to beat it. I feel pretty sure that your wit will help get you through this if that is what is in the cards because it keeps the depression away that doesn’t help a lot in such situations.

I don’t think there is a good cancer, but there is a “better cancer”. The cancer that doesn’t infiltrate every part of your body before you even realize it is there is much better than the cancer that does.
*Heal quickly*

LOL. thanks, I will. It is minor in comparison to others… Thanks for stopping in.

Phil says:

Oh – here they are reading your blog…

Phil…LMAO! or in Italian: OAML!

Thanks for the spiel, I loved every second of it!

Phil says:

Listen up charlywalker! I know you’re thumbing your nose at that nice cancer thing, but I’m thinking I need to pull out all the stops. So… I took the liberty of calling in the big guns – a group of really old Italian gypsy women with mystical powers. They’ve taken a liking to you and your blog. So hold on tightly till they come and put a real kick-ass curse on that nice cancer, gypsy style.

First they’ll make up a concoction of in a dish with water, a few dabs of wine vinegar, and sprinkle some powdered oregano leaves. Then they’ll grab your hand and dip your left finger into another dish with olive oil and let the oil drop into the other dish and watch for the pattern it makes on the oregano leaves. Then they all will argue amongst themselves about what it all means, but it’s never good. Nope, it will require a curse, and they’ll finish off by chanting something in a strange language, while smearing the oil and oregano leaves on your forehead, all as they put on a necklace of freshly peeled garlic cloves. Yes ma’am, I have no idea how it works – probably just scares the crap outta that nice cancer…

They don’t take CareFirst Blue Choice, but I hear they’ll accept live goats and gosslings as payment for their services.

No need to thank me ma’am. Just reading more of your blog entries is enough thanks for me.

I think that it the answer to the health-care problem…more goats and gosslings ( not Ryan)…LOL
Thanks for stopping in.

lauriecag says:

It is because of your humor (& overall attitude) that you are fine – Keep up the awesome job, Charly!

Thanks Laurie! thank you for stopping in and taking a quick peek!

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